Here I am on CKNW 980’s Afternoon Show with Simi Sara discussing Miley Cyrus’s butt and offering absolutely terrible parenting advice.
Thank you for having me Claire and Simi!
Long gone are the days where you had to be bribed with a Girls Gone Wild hat to flash some skin for a creep with a camera. In 2014, young women hound party photographers and proudly share the results on Instagram and Twitter. No pop star exemplifies this mindset more than Miley Cyrus, whose sexual awakening last year infuriated your Us Weekly–subscribing mother and clogged your social media feed.
Barely legal females ditched their boyfriends on Valentine’s Day to fill Rogers Arena for the first stop of the former Hannah Montana’s hotly anticipated Bangerz Tour. While many came dressed in looks inspired by Miley, it was hardly a “trying to get a line in the bathroom” crowd—queues for Mike’s Hard Lemonade were dwarfed by ones at merch stands that sold inflatable bananas and detritus featuring photos by your favourite pervball, Terry Richardson.
Smilers came ready to soak up pop hits while poppin’ their asses. There was one question to be answered though: would their headline-hogging hero fall flat on her butt mid-twerk? To the delight of everyone in attendance, Cyrus proved she can’t, and won’t, be stopped.
The music started and everyone was on their feet, but where was Miley? Gradually the massive LED backdrop was filled with the face of the 21-year-old pop princess. Then a hatch opened up and a massive tongue snaked out of a set-piece mouth towards the stage. Cyrus deftly slid down it and commanded, “Let me hear y’all make some fucking noise”. A cacophony of shrill shrieks, squeals, and OMGs ensued after a spectacular entrance as she opened with “SMS (Bangerz)”.
Joining her onstage for the club-friendly, well, banger, were back-up dancers, a Munchkinlad-escapee in a red PVC outfit, a BBW with a butt that belittled the one Sir Mix-A-Lot rapped on, and four sickos in fursuits. (Apologies to the Vancouver furry community. Society has come a long way in recent years, but we’re still not ready to accept yiffing.)
For the next number, a gold-plated car with spinners rose from a trapdoor. Miley hopped on and humped its hood while singing “4×4” as it drove around on stage and sprayed dolla bills out of the wheel wells. This is how the rest of the evening would go: Lady Gaga’s artful weirdness coupled with vintage-Madonna in-your-face-sexuality.
During the highly entertaining hour-and-forty-minute-long spectacle we primarily heard tracks off of Bangerz with a smattering of hits from earlier albums as well as covers of “Hey Ya!” by OutKast and “Jolene” by Dolly Parton. While this was happening we were treated to visuals courtesy of Ren & Stimpy creator John Kricfalusi, a dozen or so bejewelled outfits designed by the likes of Roberto Cavalli and Marc Jacobs, and an inflatable wolf that was at least 10-Mileys high.
To answer the burning question that kept you awake at night leading up to this show: you better fucking believe there was twerking. In fact, the most powerful tool onstage was the singer’s ass. Anytime she aimed that thing at the crowd the roar was deafening. It is a lethal weapon that could topple governments, and not just in the Middle East. Live in fear.
While flying around on a hot dog phallus and singing “Someone Else”, the massive LED screen opened up and Cyrus exited the stage. Of course, the show was not over. The biggest bangerz had yet to be performed.
Billy Ray’s daughter returned with the club anthem “We Can’t Stop”, during which the Munchkin was dressed up as a joint and we all sang along. The crowd participation continued when she played her biggest hit, the emotional power ballad “Wrecking Ball”. For a minute it felt like it might end there, but no. There had not been enough nodding of heads and moving of hips like yeah. Flanked by the BBW in a Statue of Liberty costume and the little person in a hilarious Liberty Bell getup, Miley belted out the disgustingly catchy “Party in the U.S.A.” while sporting a sparkly Stars & Stripes outfit and hillbilly teeth. This twisted tribute to ‘Murica ended the show.
Valentine’s Day only happens once a year, but taking a provocative selfie at the Bangerz Tour was a once in a lifetime experience. Miley did not disappoint and delivered the most Instagram-worthy concert of the year.
As for the parents in attendance, they left praying their kids don’t come home one day in fursuits.
photo by rebecca blissett www.rebeccablissett.com
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in february 2014
While a lot of us can’t wait to point and laugh when the EDM bubble bursts, it’s not going happen anytime soon. Testament to that, dance-music disciples packed the Pacific Coliseum for the all-ages Get Together 2014 party to hear Beatport bangers and bass drops while fist-pumping, glow stick–waving, and not-staring at all at the underage girls in their underwear. (I’ve been following this whole Woody Allen debacle and am incredibly on edge.)
With a healthy dose of lasers, lights, and LED screens in full effect, a member of DVBBS screamed, “If you’re out here getting fucked up tonight, say ‘Fuck yeah!’” The response suggested that most were celebrating the long weekend by getting so mangled they definitely wouldn’t want to see their parents on Family Day. The young and wickedly entertaining brothers from Orangeville, Ontario proceeded to play a testosterone-fuelled set laden with their own productions. While clearly graduates from the Steve Aoki school of DJing, they stopped short of throwing cake at us, sadly.
Up next was Andrew Rayel, an upstart from Moldova, which you probably couldn’t find on a map. While dropping big shiny tunes by Calvin Harris, Hardwell, and Zedd, the lord of the dance was significantly more subdued than everyone else who took to the LED-plinth-cum-DJ-booth. It was adorable to watch a crew of muscular MMA-types dance in a circle together to Rayel’s more melodic offerings. Unfortunately, subtlety won’t win many over when a noticeable chunk of the audience consists of grown men in glowing fun-fur animal hats and jailbait in booty shorts with “It won’t spank itself” written on the verso. (It was just a fleeting glimpse, I swear.)
Tritonal opened with Showtek’s “We Like To Party”, one of the biggest songs around right now. As it played, multiple groups of people, called Tritonians, busted out flags and signs with the name and logo of their heroes from Austin, Texas. The duo followed that up with a bounty of their emotional, vocal trance offerings including “Colors”, “Electric Glow”, and “Now Or Never”, which got all remaining pupils and jaws in the building dilated and gurning. It should also be noted that when they played “Crackin’” by the Bassjackers, a trio of women simultaneously did the splits beside me, then casually walked away like that was nothing out of the ordinary for them.
“Welcome to the world of Dirty Dutch,” said an ominous voice over the speakers. This could only mean one thing: it was time for Chuckie, a Dutch purveyor of dirty funkin’ beats—conveniently the title of the headliner’s opening track. Indeed, we got a lot of those, as well as a smattering of classics by ATB, House of Pain, and Reel 2 Real, with a healthy chunk of contemporary cheese by Avicii, Armin van Buuren, and Swedish House Mafia.
For the final song of the evening, Chuckie commanded everyone to sit on the ground. We were all in a highly suggestible state at this point, so we obliged even though the ground was totally gross.
“When the bass drops, you’re all gonna lose your shit,” the DJ cautioned. The man knew what he was talking about. After everyone jumped up and the final fist-pump session took place, the houselights went on and the incredibly fun six-hour-long four-on-the-floorgy was over.
For most, this meant hopping into one of the countless limousines or party buses that were parked out front. The night was just getting started. For a few, however, it meant sneaking into a minivan, driven by mom. It was really chilly out and she was worried you’d catch a cold in that outfit.
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in february 2014
Next week you might be able to place a bet on whether or not you’ll see a musician’s penis. If you go out to live shows with any regularity you’ve probably seen a few of them. Hell, you may even make bets about them among your friends. I sure do and almost always win. The trick is to offer to buy the musician a drink and then just ask politely to gaze at it. More often than not, they’ll happily expose themselves to you.
This is different, though, as we’re talking about possibly seeing a dick during the Pepsi Super Bowl XLVIII halftime show, the biggest musical event of the year. There are already a lot of narratives swirling around about the big game between the Denver Broncos and the Seattle Seahawks. It’ll be the Broncos’ high-flying offence versus the Hawks’ devastating defence and a bunch of other boring bullshit you don’t care about. However, a genuinely intriguing story line did emerge on January 9 when Flea tweeted “Anybody wanna see my cock at the Super Bowl?”
Fuck, yes!
The 51-year-old bassist will unfortunately be performing with the rest of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, who will unfortunately be accompanying that guy who sang the hook on Major Lazer’s “Bubble Butt”. I’d rather watch a preseason WNBA game than a RHCP performance, but if Flea’s gonna drop trou I will tune in, as the fallout will seem like some insane Manson Family vision of the apocalypse compared to Janet Jackson’s Nipplegate and M.I.A.’s Middle Fingergate. Not only that, the man born with the name Michael Balzary would skyrocket past Ewan McGregor to have the most famous pecker on the planet. (While I don’t have any hard evidence to back up my claim that Rent Boy has the most viewed penis of all time, after my own it is the one I’ve seen the most.)
Flea deleted the tweet, but it made the rounds because he has nearly a million followers. If you’re a degenerate gambler like me, this is intriguing because it means oddsmakers certainly saw it. It’s also terrifying because it means there are at least a million people out there listening to funk rock.
The Super Bowl is the gambling event of the year, and you can make all sorts of crazy proposition bets, like what colour the Gatorade will be that’s dumped on the winning coach. And, yes, you can even throw money down on the musical performances. Last year, you could wager if Alicia Keys would flub the national anthem, if Beyoncé’s hair would be curly, or if Jay Z would make a cameo appearance on-stage. A prop bet about Flea whipping his dink out seems destined to be in play for Super Bowl XLVIII.
I’m hesitant to offer gambling advice, but it’s free money if you bet on seeing Flea’s circumcised and very aesthetically pleasing member on Super Bowl Sunday. True, the game is outdoors at MetLife Stadium in New Jersey in February, so the weather will be a factor—Nihilist #2 from The Big Lebowski may elect to put a sock on it, as he’s done in the past. Nonetheless, I’m extremely confident the veteran Californicationer will make this the greatest halftime show ever, and we’ll all be winners. C’mon Flea, daddy needs a new pair of shoes. (Not really, I have a clothing sponsor who gives me free shoes.)
Sports will always be superior to music because of gambling. I’d hit a lot more shows and generally wouldn’t be bored as shit at the ones I do go to if I could lay a little action on the evening. How many of the band’s friends who clicked “attending” on Facebook will actually show up? An over/under on stomachs pumped at the next EDM bash? Will the guitar player’s psychotic ex show up all coked-up and start a bunch of drama? Aside from being loads of fun, the house always wins, so this is a total cash cow. I just made the music industry profitable again. You’re welcome!
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in january 2014
As nice as it is to have a painful rumination on mortality by a blue-chip artist hanging on your wall, sometimes a drawing of Grumpy Cat as the Mona Lisa by an unknown local can bring just as much enjoyment. If you’re after the former, catch a flight to Art Basel in Miami and pray that you’re important enough for one of David Zwirner’s cronies to sell you something. If you’re after the latter, hop a bus to Hot Art Wet City at 2206 Main Street in Mount Pleasant, and Chris Bentzen will sort you out. No Black Card or name-dropping required.
Hot Art Wet City is the culmination of Bentzen curating and producing a decade’s worth of lowbrow art events around Vancouver. “Fun and accessible, that’s pretty much what it comes down to,” says the 39-year-old gallerist during the final days of Toys, a group show devoted to Kid Robot–esque collectibles. “I keep trying to remind myself that I’m trying to build a community here.”
A year after an art show of his own work in 2003, which included buttons as a medium, Bentzen partnered with Jim Hoehnle to launch Hot One Inch Action. The concept was simple: get a lot of artists to submit their work, print it on one-inch buttons, and sell random grab bags of them for a couple of bucks. Then get everyone drinking, socializing, and trading them. It was a hit.
“It just kept going. People were excited about it so we just kept doing it and kept doing it,” recalls Bentzen, whose earlobes are stretched nearly as big as one of those buttons. “People wanted it to happen more often.”
After coming across a listing on Craigslist that was too tempting to pass on, he snapped up the space and Hot Art Wet City opened its doors last April. Since its inception, it has hosted a slew of amusingly lowbrow shows, including May LaForge Be With You, a paean to Star Trek and Star Wars; Teenage Wasteland, a showcase of cringe-inducing work that artists made when they were teenagers; and Boobies & Wieners, an exploration of body image and identity in the postdigital age. (Just kidding: it was mostly funny pictures of tits and dicks.)
Looking ahead at the slate of shows in early 2014, there’s Typo, a group show of type-based work, and Ugh!, a historically inaccurate exhibition of caveman- and dinosaur-inspired art.
“A friend of mine was in Clan of the Cave Bear when he was a kid, with Daryl Hannah. He was the kid and the product of her rape in that movie,” Bentzen says of the group show’s curious inspiration. “He’s a very hairy and large man. He’s going to be the special guest for that. Hopefully, he’ll be wearing a loincloth and enjoying his celebrity.”
Walk by one of these shows on the opening night and you might mistake the gallery for a packed bar—group shows that sometimes have upward of 80 artists participating tend to be like that. However, it’s not just friends and family of the artists attending. Even erudite regulars from galleries along Granville or Great Northern Way are showing up at Hot Art Wet City’s raucous openings.
“It’s something different than what they’re used to seeing. They like that energy of the opening nights because it’s a bit more exciting than Granville Street stuff,” Bentzen hypothesizes, then adds: “For some of them, it’s a little much; we’re serving wine out of boxes and in plastic cups.”
The work on display pairs well pricewise with the wine. You can likely cop an original piece for $200 to $500, and Bentzen doesn’t plan to change this anytime soon.
“I’d like to keep it local and cheap, so there’s that opportunity for artists, new artists especially, to get their work out there, but also for audiences who aren’t really used to buying expensive art,” he says from behind the gallery’s front desk, with Andrea Hooge’s portraits of Walter and Donny from The Big Lebowski hanging overhead and really tying the room together. “It’s a cool little opportunity to be that steppingstone so they can go into a higher-end gallery and go, ‘Okay, I get it,’ and feel comfortable spending more.”
Regardless of whether you’re trying to unload a $280 drawing of Grumpy Cat as the Mona Lisa by Clare Zhao or a $28,000 C-print of Abbott and Cordova by Stan Douglas, selling art is no easy task.
“I wouldn’t recommend it. That’s also why I host other events here—comedy shows, workshops, and stuff like that. If I was trying to make a living off of selling art, it would not work.”
While Grumpy Cat still awaits a buyer, there have been some successes at Hot Art Wet City so far. A homoerotic portrait by Laura McIntosh of Prof. Albus Dumbledore embracing a chiselled Harry Potter, who is sporting a massive erect, er, wand, is hanging on someone’s wall and creeping out all who visit its lucky owner’s home. Let’s hope Bentzen succeeds in building a community of perverts and weirdos who are into hanging hot art like that on their walls.
photo by randall cosco www.randallcoscophotography.com/
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in december 2013
Hordes of women packed a sold-out Rogers Arena for an evening of selfies, squeals, empowerment, and feeling awesome about how their bodies look when squeezed into the latest offerings from Sirens. Who cares that the Mrs. Carter Show wasn’t in support of a new album? The incredibly thirsty, fecund crowd would not be denied their moment on this rainy November evening.
The lights dimmed, the curtain dropped, and the first of many video interludes played. Cue pyrotechnics, an 11-piece band, nine back-up dancers in couture birdcage skirts, and two French breakdancing twins, the lone possessors of Y-chromosomes to grace the stage. And then she arose from a trap door in the stage. The Queen Bey herself was among us mere mortals in Vancouver for the first time since 2009 and she looked incredible. Cue goose bumps, glass-shattering shrieks, and unadulterated glee.
After correctly identifying what city she was in, to the delight of everyone, the 32-year-old pop deity launched into “Who Run The World (Girls)”. As the chants of “Who run this mutha? / Girls” spread, the gender pay gap was completely forgotten by those singing along. And if you’re like me, a textbook example of white male privilege, it immediately became clear that you’d best keep your fucking snide comments to yourself for the next hour and 35 minutes.
While the strategically placed electric fans that kept Sasha Fierce’s shiny, full-bodied mane aflutter throughout the show were a nice touch, the stage set-up was standard fare. There also weren’t many moments where she veered off the show’s script and interacted with the faithful—save touching the hands of a few lucky BeyHive members up-front, which, presumably, has the same effect as drinking out of the Holy Grail.
Beyoncé more than made up for this with a healthy dose of hits from her four solo albums coupled with her exceptional stage presence, elaborate choreography, and nonstop costume changes. (The lime green, leopard-printed fringe minidress was especially stunning.)
At one point in the show, while sporting a blue sequined bodysuit, she flew over the crowd to an auxiliary stage shaped like the letter B. Once there she performed “Irreplaceable”, “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child, the sing-alongiest sing-along of the evening, and “Love On Top” before flying back to the mainland. (She didn’t actually fly. But the consensus was if Beyoncé put her analytical Virgo mind to it, she could soar like a fierce bald eagle without the assistance of wires.)
After another costume change, she returned to the stage. We were simultaneously ready for this jelly while being unable to handle it. It, in this case, were the megahits “Crazy in Love” and a version “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)” that featured a snippet of the theme from The Jeffersons, something less than one percent of the audience was old and sober enough to recognize.
It could have ended there and everyone would have still walked out with an odd perma-grin that’s usually reserved for people indoctrinated into UFO cults. But no, not enough tears had flowed yet. After a video that included shots of her singing for Barack Obama (‘Yay’) and holding Blue Ivy (‘Aww’), Beyoncé belted out a brief cover of “I Will Always Love You” before seguing into the equally emotional “Halo” to end the unforgettable evening.
Excluding the woman who got ejected for barfing her guts out in a garbage can in the men’s washroom in section 109, it’s impossible anyone left this show disappointed. It was wicked entertainment with an empowering message: women everywhere can move on up in a man’s world. You just need to be a leggy Mel Ramos-esque beauty who’s also a once-in-a-generation talent that’s worth a billion dollars and married to Jay Z. It’s that simple.
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in december 2013
Recently launched a website for a New Year’s Party at the Hotel Vancouver.
Pink’s stage and catwalk were undeniably shaped like a flaccid penis and ball sack, but she certainly didn’t deliver a limp-dink performance. As far as female pop superstars go, Alecia Beth Moore isn’t the most provocative (Lady Gaga), catchy (Katy Perry), sweet (Taylor Swift), stupid (Rihanna), or geriatric (Madonna). But she has the most death-defying live show of the bunch.
The sold-out Rogers Arena was a proverbial henhouse. The hormonal scale tipped so overwhelmingly in estrogen’s favour that some of the men’s bathrooms were converted to women’s to accommodate the imbalance. It’s a good thing the concert’s organizers had the foresight to do this, as the long-in-the-tooth crowd was hopped up on Mike’s Hard Lemonade and had their urinary incontinence pushed to the brink by utter jubilation.
The Truth About Love Tour had a definite Cirque du Soleil feel, complete with a ringmaster named Rubix Von Füchenhürtz, who got everyone chortling by clowning around before the curtain rose. After a CoverGirl ad starring Pink, which received a rousing response, Rubix yammered on a bit more and the 34-year-old hitmaker took the stage in Vancouver for the first time since 2002 in spectacular fashion: she slingshotted 30 feet upwards from a trapdoor on the stage. Attached by bungee cords to an oscillating metal frame with three shirtless male acrobats on it, she sang “Raise Your Glass” while bouncing up and down, inverted for much of it. No longer airborne, she then performed “Walk of Shame”, “Just Like a Pill”, “U + Ur Hand”, and “Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)” and proved equally adept at keeping the faithful’s attention without risking her life (though it was a lot more ridiculous and awesome when she was). While whimsically dancing along the shaft of the catwalk towards its bulbous head, Pink greeted people, signed autographs, accepted fan art, and generally didn’t seem like an inhuman corporate entity despite being worth an estimated $70 million and having the flattest stomach in the building.
The evening’s Lilith Fair moment came after Pink regaled those in attendance with a tale about her two-year-old daughter, who describes the next song as “full of mom words”. Whether or not Pink used the mom word was tough to tell as the crowd was singing the chorus of “Fuckin’ Perfect” far too loudly to hear her. During those three-and-a-half minutes, our cycles synchronized and we were all goddesses.
The only real buzz-kill of the show was a paint-by-numbers cover of Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game”. The real estate of this hour-and-45-minute-long show, which made you want to drink a lot more Cheetah Power Surge, would have been better spent performing songs from her vast catalogue of hits—the most conspicuously absent one being “Get the Party Started”. Besides, the video for Isaak’s song really objectifies women.
For the encore, Pink, in a gold bodysuit, attached herself to cables and proceeded to do her best Cathy Rigby impersonation. While singing “So What”, she flew and flipped across the entire arena. At times, she was almost high enough to touch our nonexistent Stanley Cup banners. After detaching, she wasn’t on the ground long before she emulated her 2010 Grammy performance by hopping into aerial silks to do an incredibly dangerous-looking gymnastics routine above the stage while singing the touching, emotional ballad “Glitter in the Air”.
Pink survived this wickedly entertaining performance, and hopefully she won’t wait another 11 years before returning. As we filed out, everyone felt elated, empowered, and stoked about those ads in the concourse for an upcoming Dixie Chicks concert… Oh God, who knew that emasculating stage would turn out to be a prophetic warning?
photo by rebecca blissett www.rebeccablissett.com
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in october 2013
It’s not everyday you get to watch a former Mouseketeer and a former crack dealer perform at the same time. On paper, The Legends of the Summer Stadium Tour that featured pop star Justin Timberlake and rapper Jay Z certainly seemed like an odd pairing. Yes, the two have been collaborating on tracks lately, but surely one can’t throw up the Roc-A-Fella diamond sign and bring sexy back at the same time.
“Y’all ready to party?” the ex-‘N Syncer asked after taking to the stage and singing the intro to “Holy Grail”, off of Shawn Carter’s latest, Magna Carta… Holy Grail. B.C. Place was indeed, with its stupidly expensive roof, which was open for once, and packed full of normals. (Presumably, the Honda Celebration of Light, which was happening at the same time as this show, and pricey tickets kept the dregs of Granville Street away.)
Thankfully, the pair didn’t linger too long on their latest musical offerings, which, let’s face it, blow. On the obligatory four-storey-high stage, which featured massive LED screens and 18 or so backup performers that you couldn’t care less about, JT and J-Hova treated those in attendance to a two-hour-and-15-minute-long hit parade.
After a medley that included “I Just Wanna Love U (Give It 2 Me)”, “Rock Your Body”, “Izzo (H.O.V.A.)”, the Jackson 5’s “I Want You Back”, and “Excuse Me Miss”, it quickly became clear how this show was going to work: Timberlake would sing the hooks on Jay Z songs and Jay Z would say “Uh-huh” and “Yeah” during Timberlake songs. It was also clear that these two have a fuck-tonne of stage presence and most would be content to watch Mr. Biel and Mr. Knowles spending the evening giving a lecture about how sweet the new Myspace is.
On their own, neither could pack B.C. Place—you need to be a Beatle or Taylor Swift to do that. But both proved more than capable of keeping the 40,000-plus in attendance satiated when they were on-stage performing solo.
The shrillest squeals of the evening came whenever JT, who seemed the more human of the two, busted out the dance moves. Yes, he was electric and can still get down. Hearing those shrieks definitely made it seem like the majority in attendance was there to see him. Apparently, an extended hiatus from music to take on plum acting roles in The Love Guru and Yogi Bear hasn’t hurt his stock in the slightest.
Though the show was unforgettable, it was not without cornball moments. One that sticks out is Timberlake crooning Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York”, which was, naturally, followed by “Empire State of Mind”. However, the biggest came just before the final song of the evening, “Young Forever”, when Jay Z, who barely acknowledged the faithful all evening, made a left-field, cheapo attempt to tug at their heartstrings by dedicating it to Trayvon Martin.
As Timberlake sang the chorus, an impressive chunk of the crowd lit up the stadium with their smartphones at Jigga’s insistence. You couldn’t help but think he had devised a diabolical new means of mining everyone’s personal data off of them. (You know, like he did with that NSA-esque Samsung app last month.)
Fighting your way out of B.C. Place, it wasn’t hard to overhear people uttering, “Best show ever”. When you’ve got two top-shelf showmen with tremendous bodies of work, chances are you’re in for a once-in-a-lifetime evening. The Legends of the Summer Tour lived up to its braggadocio name, regardless if your idea of a good time is watching Disney movies or smoking crack.
photo courtesy of the georgia straight
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in august 2013
Pretty Lights towers above most electronic music producers, and that’s not just because he’s 6-8. The reason the man born Derek Vincent Smith is better than most is because he makes music and puts on a show you’re not ashamed to like. No one will call you Christopher Hitchens for being skeptical about some of these uninspired laptop producers who think merely pressing the space bar on their MacBooks makes a great live experience. Pretty Lights simply isn’t one of them. This, however, has left a few ravers scratching their Fun Fur hats when he performs at EDM festivals.
“My music doesn’t fit into the category where I’m a DJ up on-stage spinning four-on-the-floor dubstep,” he tells the Straight from his home in Denver, Colorado, which he shares with his girlfriend and two kittens. “Half of the crowd is super hard-core and loving it. One quarter of the crowd is like, ‘This is cool, but I’m confused. When is David Guetta coming on?’ ”
The 31-year-old producer’s sound, early DJ Shadow– and Ninja Tune–inspired instrumental hip-hop, coupled with his melt-your-face-awesome visuals have made him a favourite at everything from hippy tribal gatherings to rap shows to megafestivals like Bonnaroo and Coachella.
“It’s hard to take a 90 bpm hip-hop beat and make it beautiful and soulful, but at the same time get 20,000 people at festivals to throw their hands up in the air,” he explains. “I try to take this really soulful, downtempo inspiration and add power and energy to it. That’s how my sound started with Pretty Lights.”
Aside from being a great listen, his latest album, A Color Map of the Sun, is a production nerd’s wet dream. Rather than digging through records to find samples, he made his own. Over the span of a year, Pretty Lights led 43 musicians—performing everything from classical to funk to jazz to soul—and pressed the sessions onto vinyl. He then grabbed the platters and ran it through a pile of analogue gear to create his fourth full-length.
“It became the norm that musicians came in with some level of skepticism,” he says of asking virtuoso players to perform the same riffs endlessly without improvisation. But, “you do that consistently for the right amount of time and I’m going to be able to catch the four seconds of a recording that is pure magic. That’s what I was searching for.”
If all this sounds somewhat intriguing, but you’re unwilling to drop $9.99 on iTunes, the album is also available for free on his website. The philosophy behind this is simple—he “realized there was a loophole: word of mouth spreads about the quality of music faster than it spreads about the nature of how you get the music.”
This big, friendly giant might be onto something here, as A Color Map of the Sun has sold well, peaking at number two on Billboard’s dance-music chart, even though it clocked over 100,000 downloads on his site.
Pretty Lights points out that there’ll be “no play button involved” with his set at the Squamish Valley Music Festival; all 10 of his fingers will be used as he recreates the new one live. However, if you don’t care about any of that stuff and just want to have fun, know that it’s going to look and sound really fucking cool when he shuts the place down on Saturday night. Best of all, you won’t hate yourself in the morning.
photo courtesy of the georgia straight
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in august 2013
In order of most to least fuckable, One Direction consists of five men who are over the age of consent named Harry, Zayn, Liam, Niall, and Louis. If you live in a naive bubble where commercial dance-pop simply isn’t on your radar despite the millions of albums they’ve sold and the billions of YouTube plays they’ve accrued, here’s what else you need to know: 1D is a ridiculously popular boy band from London, England, who perform catchy, tightly produced songs that somehow manage to be saccharine and nonthreatening as they taunt you with lyrics about how they’re going to plow your daughter. Yes, this impeccably marketed and well-choreographed song-and-dance machine probably sounds all too familiar to you. But here’s the thing: One Direction is actually quite incredible.
Oh, sure, along with its music, there are apps, clothing lines, fragrances, and board games with the members’ handsome faces plastered all over them. But crass commercialism is part and parcel of any decent pop project. Andy Warhol once said: “Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art.”
Let’s hope these lads have another 15 minutes of fame left in them, because the empire they’ve built up in three years is awe-inspiring. Hell, I’m positive Warhol would even love their cover that mashes up Blondie’s “One Way or Another” and the Undertones’ “Teenage Kicks”. “Gee, that’s great,” he’d say.
That pop music is vapid and lacking substance is an ignorant notion. Pop is the most interesting and culturally relevant music out there. Rock, EDM, and their multitude of indie subgenres are what’s moribund these days. I’ll happily give the latest One Direction album a play over some Bearhunter side project that was anointed a nine-point-whatever on a sycophantic music blog last week.
Boy bands—from Hanson to NKOTB to the Rolling Stones—have always had a difficult time being taken seriously. That’s a damn shame, because they’re tackling real issues with their music, and it speaks on a global scale to young women dealing with their hormones. Most bands I catch are bar window-dressing who interrupt my important conversations. Have you ever seen the blissed-out expression on a Directioner’s face when they hear “What Makes You Beautiful” performed live? It stimulates a spiritual experience that’s more powerful than ayahuasca could ever give them.
Appealing largely to women is a sure-fire way to never get the critical recognition you deserve. Plain and simple, it’s snobbishness that’s rooted in sexism. You see, music writing is overpopulated with annoying white dudes. (I’d know. I’m one of them and still curse my parents to this day because of it. Inconsiderate assholes.)
At present, think tanks made up of our country’s biggest music nerds are busy heaping praise, awards, and novelty-size cheques on Arcade Fire, Feist, and Metric—basically the aural equivalent of a dogs-playing-poker poster. (And people wonder why the music and publishing industries are in the shitter.)
While this is going on, timeless classics by Justin Bieber and Carly Rae Jepsen, which have the grandness and beauty of Jeff Koons sculptures, get ignored. A hundred years from now, I guarantee “Baby” and “Call Me Maybe” will still be around and making us smile. The mere mention of boring Cancon acts will get you banished to the Forbidden Zone where you’ll have to deal with cannibals.
So have fun stroking your chins, making snide remarks, and being too cool to look like you’re having a good time in half-empty concert venues this weekend, fuckers. I’ll be at the One Direction show in a stadium full of people who are having the time of their lives. Hopefully, Harry notices me, but failing that, I’d settle for Louis.
photo courtesy of the georgia straight
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in july 2013
A shot from the balcony of the Fox Porno Theatre. (Note the toilet paper dispenser.)
As you may be aware, the Arrival Agency and David Duprey have begun renovations at the Fox Theatre on Main Street. For posterity’s sake, here are some photos of the inside of the last porn theatre in Vancouver. This is not safe for work or the faint of heart. You’ve been warned…
photos by michael mann unless otherwise noted
Property crime is no laughing matter unless Mohinder spray-paints a building, and then it’s kind of hilarious. I first saw this oddly endearing tag—his name crudely drawn in all caps—pop up back in April. Since then, it’s been impossible not to notice these audaciously placed chicken scratches on overpasses, awnings, walls, and the odd cube van. The scourge of East Vancouver has delighted Instagram users, accumulated an impressive pile of press clippings, and inspired a series of bootleg T-shirts. What hath this vandal wrought?
“Mohinder is the king right now,” proclaims Rhek, a graphic designer, a reformed tagger, and somewhat of a local graffiti historian. “I like people who run around and mix things up and make the world more interesting. It confuses people, gets people talking, and gets the discussions going about ‘What is art?’ and ‘What is public space versus private space?’ It’s one kid getting his name up and making himself famous. It’s a DIY, self-made, ego-driven occupation that’s pointless, and I really enjoy that sort of thing.”
Part of the charm of Mohinder tags is their, well, shittiness. “It’s basically outsider art within an outsider art,” Rhek explains. “Whether or not he knows this, Mohinder is in a legacy of Vancouver writers whose prolificness is more important than their aesthetic.”
This noble order of janky property defilers includes Oaph, with his crummy anthropomorphized snakes; Alex G, whose tag looked like it was written by someone with Tourette’s; and Mr. 8, whose goofy name can still be seen scrawled around town.
Despite the sometimes dubious talent showcased in our alleyways, Rhek believes that “tagging is definitely an art form. The thing about it is there are all these knucklehead idiots who get into graffiti who have now grown up and become successful, creative individuals. I don’t think they would have found that route if it wasn’t for actually spending time drawing like a bunch of dorks.”
Notable dorks include Jean-Michel Basquiat, Keith Haring, Kaws, Barry McGee, and Dash Snow, who all got their start tagging walls before their lionization in the art world. Hell, Tony Shafrazi, a gallerist who did shows with Basquiat and Haring in the ’80s, first made a name for himself by tagging Pablo Picasso’s Guernica with “Kill Lies All” when it was on display at New York City’s Museum of Modern Art in 1974.
Though obviously not as revered as the aforementioned, a hometown example is The Dark, who has been decorating walls in Vancouver for the past 12 years and has shown work in galleries locally and abroad.
A Mohinder cynic, The Dark believes the tags are probably hipster bullshit. “Any jackass with a spray can can be a graffiti writer these days. Anyone can get drunk, wander home from work, and hit every wall they see till they run out of paint,” he says petulantly, but concedes: “I’ve done it, so I guess I can’t be super-critical.”
For The Dark’s approval, placement is key. “Context with the environment is important. Are you just randomly hitting walls or are you hitting cool spots?”
As ridiculous as it may seem, there are graffiti rules. Basically, you’re not supposed to hit churches, heritage buildings, or independent businesses. While The Dark believes that graffiti ethics are “full of shit”, they exist, and Mohinder is bombing spots that others wouldn’t.
So who is this rule breaker amongst rule breakers? Well, I tracked him down and it wasn’t difficult. Despite repeated interview requests, I got stonewalled. However, I was able to glean a fair bit of information by creeping him online. Especially amusing is his blog, where he’s documented a lot of his tags—East Van businesses aren’t up against a Professor Moriarty–type supervillain here. (Judging from the blog’s content, he’s likely responsible for those ubiquitous drawings of the whiskery man in the Panama hat, too.)
I’ll stop short of naming him, because that’s ethically dicey territory. Oh, screw it. If Mohinder’s tags teach us anything, it’s that there are no rules. Mohinder’s real name is Zachary, which, if tagged on a wall, probably wouldn’t yield many likes on Instagram.
photo courtesy of the georgia straight
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in june 2013
It was Saturday night and the curious suburban mating ritual of getting done up, hopping a SkyTrain to Granville Street, then drinking so much you vomit all over yourself was in full effect. In a sold-out Commodore Ballroom, Jägerbombs were lined up, joints were rolled, and ass cheeks were poised to clap in anticipation of Juicy J hitting the stage.
Born Jordan Houston, the 38-year-old rapper from Memphis, Tennessee is famous for being a member of the legendary Dirty South group Three 6 Mafia. However, his solo career is currently turnt up in its own right and he’s established himself as a larger-than-life elder statesmen of drug-taking and tail-chasing from the South—basically rap’s Bill Clinton.
Featuring huge bass lines, rolling snares, and infectious lyrics—which have spawned countless annotations on Rap Genius—Juicy J makes the best party music around, and his forthcoming album Stay Trippy is one of the year’s most eagerly anticipated hip-hop releases. This likely explains why the Commodore wisely elected to lock up its glassware for the evening and serve everything out of plastic cups.
Sporting a red toque, shades, gold chains, and a Stay Trippy Tour T-shirt, Juicy J opened with “Show Out”. Initially the crowd seemed more interested in Instagramming the rap icon while sparking joints than in the performance. But the man from the city our beloved NBA franchise absconded to really hit his stride a few songs in with “Get Higher”. Produced by wunderkind Lex Luger, the crowd immediately got caught up in singing the chorus: “Take the blunt, dip it in the lean, then light it/Pop a molly, drink some orange juice, get higher.”
The party chants continued with four consecutive Luger-produced bangers “Who Da Neighbors”, “Riley”, “Bombay Gin Dance”, and “A Zip and a Double Cup”. At this point, the dance floor was billowing marijuana smoke and it was a certainty that the owner of the buck-a-slice closest to the venue would be able to pay for his kid’s braces. (Attempts by security to curb the pot smoking were an exercise in Sisyphusean futility.)
While performing tracks he did with the Weeknd, Wiz Khalifa, or Triple 6, Juicy J’s powerful voice and commanding stage presence kept the cotton-mouthed faithful attentive. No one even seemed to mind that he didn’t perform his Oscar-winning song, “It’s Hard out Here for a Pimp”, from the Hustle & Flow soundtrack.
“There’s a lot of sexy ladies in Vancouver,” he proclaimed after inviting a group of young women on-stage to make out with each other and then twerk to “She Dancin’” and the strip-club anthem “Bandz a Make Her Dance”. Fret not, Juicy J also took the time to validate the quality of our city’s drugs on numerous occasions as well—a huge relief for everyone in attendance given his well-documented connoisseurship of narcotics and “ratchet pussy”.
“Who wants to get high with me? Who wants to go to a strip club with me? Who wants to share their girlfriend with me?” he asked at one point. And everyone in attendance was thinking “Pick me, Juicy. Oh, please, pick me.” But hold the phone. Drugs, strip clubs, and partner swapping? Maybe the mating rituals of these loogans from the suburbs aren’t such a bad thing after all.
photo by rebecca blissett www.rebeccablissett.com
this article was originally published by the georgia straight in june 2013
I recently help launch a brand new website for Nuba. It’s one of my favourite restaurants in the city and the people that operate the Nuba group are some of the most standup folks I know. Currently, I’m helping them with web and marketing on an ongoing basis so be sure to check them out.
